Au Natural and little miracles

This week will be a no nail color week.  The reason?  My nails have chipped away and are separating. One of the nail polishes I had used caused damage to my nails.  For the next week I will be lotioning and conditioning my nails to prepare them to be painted once again next week. However I still plan on blogging my message today.  Why?  Because we have been witness to a tiny miracle that I know my Grandma was with us on.

 

On Thursday morning I sat at the dentist dreading my appointment.  It was not because its the dentist because I like my dentist but rather because my grandma had gone to that same dentist and they had loved her and she had loved them.  As I sat there I received a call on my cell with a number I recognized all to well as the local DCS (Department of Child Services) office.  Since our other two little ones left and went home two days before Grandma's passing we had turned down every placement call we had gotten.  Little did we know that this time would be different.  Little did we know that only 6 hours later would we be heading to the hospital to pick up a two day old newborn and bringing him home to live with us.  Will this be a long term placement or a short term?  I don't know but we do know that Grandma had to have had a hand in it all as too many "interesting" events occurred.

 

I had been laid off for a couple weeks now when we received the call for this little guy we have nicknamed our little "Buddy." (Buddy is not his real name by the way.)  When I called Jeff he hadn't been sure now was the right time yet we both felt it was important that we consider doing this as we never knew when the next time would be that we would have the opportunity to have a baby, let alone a newborn baby, as a foster child.  This was a great opportunity.  After I cleaned the house and ran to the store for diapers I got changed to go get him.  It was both coincidence and not when I picked up a clean shirt to put it on and it was the pink tie die shirt with the angel wings and this blog site name on it.  After we picked up the little guy and were being helped out to the car, they walked us past the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  This unit was named the Catherine Kasper Neonatal Intensive care unit.  Catherine Kasper!!! Catherine was the foundress of the Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ...the community I had been in.  My grandma had truly loved the Poor Handmaids, even so much so that she bought a brick in their prayer garden. Talk about signs!

 

My grandma had told me that someday I would have a newborn baby in my house and that she wouldn't be around to see it.  She had been right.  She would love this little guy and more so she would have loved to have hold him in her arms.  I have thought of her often as I hold him and feed him and dress him.  Grandma made this possible.  How lucky are we?!?!

 

There are days I miss her more than anything and as there are issues with the little guy, I think about all the old wives tales my grandma would tell me and I hope that I can be even half the mom to this little guy as she was to me as my grandma. Thank you Grandma for this little miracle. I know you are the angel looking out for us.

Easter's open tomb

Easter is here.  A time when we remember, (for those of us who believe the God sent us his only son so that he might die to save us), that Christ died for us and rose from the dead three days later.  As a person of faith I believe that if she wasn't already in heaven, its at this time of the year that she would be allowed into heaven.  More than just the idea of resurection of our loved ones have passed, this holiday also serves as a reminder to me of the many Easter's from the past spent with my Grandma. The last Easter spent with Grandma was spent with Grandma in a rehab facility and attending mass there.  However, its the many memories of Easter's with Grandma that I am thinking about today.

 

When I was a young girl, as Easter weekend came upon us, I would sit in the kitchen as my Grandma would spend Good Friday and Holy Saturday making lamb cakes and other baked items.  Then on Easter Sunday we would return to her house, dressed in our cute and fancy Easter outfits, to enjoy an easter meal.  The one item that almost everyone would enjoy was Grandma's Pistachio Salad.  Even to this day my brother in law would fight everyone to get most of the Pistachio Salad.  After the meal of Polish Sausage, ham, several types of salad and the dessert of the Lamb cake, my sisters and I would be given the task of searching for little plastic eggs hidden through Grandma's house with our names on it.  Inside would be candy and money.  Going to Grandma's house on Easter was my favorite thing.  Her house would smell like two things:  spring from the Easter lillies, and the Easter meal...mostly of Polish Sausage and hard boiled eggs.  As we got older and Grandma's house seemed to get smaller, it soon became that Easter would be celebrated at my mom and dad's.  Easter at this point lost its excitement.  Easter had always been about going to Grandma's.  I think that it was at this point that I realized I was getting older.

 

The plastic Easter eggs, my Grandma once told me, reminded her of tomb that Jesus was buried in.  We are given the task of finding the eggs, like the disciples went looking for the tomb.  Once we found the eggs we openned it in anticipation of finding something in there...much like the disciples went anticipating to see Jesus. Once we find the eggs and open them we were much happier to see that what was inside was much better than we anticipated...much like the disciples did about finding that Jesus had found that risne from the dead.  Once we ate all the candy or took out the money (usually a dollar or quarters...) the egg was empty...much like the tomb.  As a child I thought my Grandma had thought too much into these types of things.  Now as an adult, this is something that I am reminded of this year.

 

A couple years ago my brother hosted Easter at his home.  The easter egg hunt had taken on a different twist and was more of a treasure hunt than only an easter egg hunt.  hidden with each egg was a clue where to find the next egg.  My nieces and nephews had a blast looking for these as each one of them got to choose one adult as their buddy to read their new clue.  The culmination of these clues led them back to Grandma who, while dressed in her nice new pink sweater she was so excited to show off, sat smiling and laughing as they little kids came up to "Busia" to get their Easter baskets.  And the Easter bunny had even gotten Grandma a chocolate bunny of her own!

 

This year our family will be spread all over the place.  It is the first Easter that our family will not all be together for the Easter meal.  It is the first Easter without Grandma.  Regardless of where we all are, I know that my Grandma is still with us.  This Easter is her Resurrection time, for we know that she is now in heaven.  And this year as I look at the empty plastic Easter eggs at the stores I will remember the empty tomb that Grandma taught me about.

 Apologies for no picture this week.  There appears to be a problem with blogspot and the link to add the picture is not working correctly.  Attempts will continue to be made to post the picture.  This week's 50 shades of Pink for Gertie color is Luminous Tulip.  It was donated by Cathy Jimenez of New Carlisle.

 

 

 

When Life Hands You Lemons

It seems like this year has been the worst year of my life ever.  My Grandma passes away, we have a semi costly repair to our new car (bought used last fall) and just this last Friday I was laid off. (Hopefully to return back within a few weeks if not sooner.)  While all of this has gotten me down in the past and I have to admit it did affect me quite a bit this year, one lesson that Grandma has helped me learn is that when life hands you lemons, squeeze the heck out of them and make lemonade (but make sure to save the rind.)

 

My Grandma was a  resourceful woman.  Whether it was coupons or her stockpile of items in her basement or her multitude of craft items, it seems that grandma could figure out a way to make things work.  She always made lemonade out of lemons.  She wouldn't let me get down on things.  Sure I could cry with her but before I would leave after spilling my sorrows out on the dining room table as we'd sit talking, she would help me come to some sort of conclusion to what I needed to do or how she could help me figure things out.  I saw the things that my Grandma sacrificed for others so that she could help them out.  And she was a saver....boy, was she a saver!  It wasn't uncommon for her to clean and wash in the sink with soap the tv meal plates, plastic plates and plastic silver wear, and even an occasional plastic cup or two in order to reuse them again.  While so many would just throw these items out, she would make them spotless and use them a few more times in order to save from having to buy more.  A penny saved was a penny earned.  Some would call that a cheapskate.  Grandma called that resourceful!

 

It's not easy being positive when life is dragging you down.  Shortly after her leukemia diagnosis when we brought Grandma home, I went and kneeled by her to talk to her to see if she understood the whole diagnosis and everything that was going on.  Grandma said to me that she had "Blood Cancer" and that they call it Leukemia.  The next thing she said would have made most people think that she might have been in denial about the illness.  I knew better.   Her next words were, "There is no cure, but now that I am home again, I know that it will get better."

 

Grandma wasn't meaning that the Leukemia would get better or cured.  Rather, Grandma was telling me that now she was at home with all of us that she could be at peace.  That she could be positive about the illness and was ready to deal with her impending death.  For the many years she spoke to me about how she was afraid to die, she had realized that these next few days with her family were all she needed for everything to be better and for her to be ready to pass from this life into the next.  She was handed a lemon when her diagnosis came....and she made lemonade.

 

Each memory and lesson I have learned is that penny saved and my penny earned.  However, it is more like a penny saved but a priceless amount earned.  What Grandma gave me and left me with as a person is enough to get me through all the tough times I have been through this year.  Now, in my head I think daily WWGD...What Would Grandma Do?

                                                   Starfish is this week's color.  This is from
                                                   my own personal collection.

                                        

 

 

One Tough Lady

As I have grown and gotten older, I find myself reflecting alot more about the impact that people have had in my life.  Some people come and go in our lives and some stay a part of it from start to finish.  As we think about it, each person, regardless of the length of time spent with us, has impacted us in some way, whether great or small.  My Grandma was one that was there from my start in life some almost 40 years ago until her death a few months ago.  Aside from our parents there are so few people we can name in our lives that have that time of longevity.  I was blessed that this Grandma had that.  What I attribute this longevity to was that she was one tough lady.  Her toughness and sense of survival is what kept her going.  It is also what rubbed off on me quite a bit.  Some call it stubbornness.  Some call it hard-headedness.  I called it "Grandma."

 

Since Grandma was almost 97 when she passed, she had gone through alot in life.  She survived the great depression, all the wars that occurred between 1916 and now, many presidents and many popes.  She survived the death of two husbands and all of her parents, siblings, and even her spouses' siblings.  She even survived the death of a few niece and nephews. Through these experiences, somehow she always made it through.  I honestly believe that many times it is because she had to and because of her toughness.

 

On the outside, you would see this lady like person.  She never wore blue jeans until she was in her 80's and even then they had to look dressy.  Her hair had to be just right or she wouldn't leave her home, her clothes could not have a wrinkle, and god forbid there be any sort of pantie line showing.  On the inside though, she was a survivor.  All the challenges in life she was given she somehow survived.  She knew how to change a flat tire (even though I don't think she really ever had to,) and she could manicure her yard with flowers and decorations that would rival any master gardener.  Her years of working in a factory at Wilson Brother's and sewing toughened her hands yet as I held them in the days and hours before her death, they were gentle and smooth and you could see that the toughness was not on the skin but in the movement and the knuckles that had tiredlessly worked to support her family, crochet blankets and afghans for all her grandchildren, and to cook amazing meals.

 

She knew how to survive.  Whether as a kid or an adult, my grandmother, having lived through the great depression, became a stock piler like so many others who had during that time.  I wouldn't call her a hoarder as she shared her stock piles with others.  Shortly after leaving the convent and moving home, I got an apartment with my brother.  I didn't make alot of money and so I had to figure out how to budget for all my basic needs.  Whenever I went to Grandma's house she always made sure that I left home with supplies and food from the stockpile she kept on the shelves in the basement of the house.  When my husband and I moved into our new house, she was there that day with at least 4 grocery bags full of food and supplies.  She knew me so well that she knew what I liked and didn't like. ( No one knew me like she did.) One day as I pulled out coupons and started sorting them and filing them in my coupon binder, my Grandma smiled from ear to ear with delight.  I believe it was at that moment that she realized that I had understood what she had been showing me and teaching me all these years.  She knew her legacy and that the strongest part of her would live on after her body was no longer able to...her will to survive.

 

As I reflect on it now, my Grandma's impact in this role in my life has been one of the greatest gifts I have been given.  She taught me how to survive.  Over the years as I thought about my Grandma's impending morbidity...which I am sure we all do about someone in our lives...I could see how it would impact me.  I thought about and warned people about the need for support during this times and the envisionment I had of me just sitting and rocking in a corner, not being able to go on living.  I couldn't see how I would be able to live my life without her in it.  I didn't want her to ever die.  That's not only an improbability but an impossibility, I know.  However, I kept wishing it would never happen. Survival isn't about living as long as possible.  Survival is about just living and making it through each day no matter how long you are here on earth.

 

Today as I sit here typing I am still alive.  I have survived her passing.  Have I survived the grief and the feeling of loss...no.  But I don't have to yet.  What Grandma taught me about surviving is that it is a life long process.  You do not overcome something and get over it.  Rather, you overcome the event and learn how to live with the life changing events for the rest of your life....kinda like the impact that others have on us.  What we chose to do with our grief and these life changing events is what becomes part of our legacy.  The legacy of my grandma that I know must continue on is the ability to be a survivor.  Someday, I know it will be my role to pass that along to my nieces and nephews and hopefully someday my own child.

 

I know I was blessed to become the woman I am today because I was given one tough lady as a part of mine.

 

 

 

 

 

Tough Chick  by Sally Hansen is this week's 50 Shades of

Pink for Gertie Nail Polish.  Believe it or not ladies, it was

actually picked out and purchased for me by my husband,

Jeff Murawski.  He said that my Grandma was always

one tough chick!

 

 

 

(Disclaimer about last week's nail polish.  Let this serve as a warning that the glitter nail polish is tougher than Haedes to get off!  It took two days and half a bottle of nail polish along with a buffer to get it all off.  It did cause some damage to my nails as it caused them to separate and peel on a couple of the nails...this why two of my nails look shorter!  Be warned that it is a harsh nail polish.)

 

 

Pass It On

Not long after the diagnosis of my grandma's leukemia...actually that same day...I began to feel loss.  A few weeks earlier I hadn't even been thinking about my grandma passing away let alone having a terminal illness.  I was sitting enjoying her company and her holding and playing with the foster kids that were living with us at that time.  She had a smile so bright and she laughed and smiled at the 3 1/2 year old little girl as "The Princess" as we'd call her would twirl around and then run to show my grandma something or inquire about something in my Grandma's apartment.  The joy that filled my heart watching her in these interactions was like the joy of a child on Christmas morning unwrapping gifts that they believe came from Santa.  The loss I soon would begin to know only a few weeks later as we were told that she had weeks to months to live felt like my heart being ripped out from inside me.

 

This weekend I found some peace.  I had been dwelling in such sadness over the loss of Grandma that I started to lose sight of the things that she taught me.  I had wanted to hold on as hard as  I could to every piece of her, whether it be clothing, jewelry, or even a blanket, that I started to forget what the stories were behind  them and the true message she was giving me or had taught me that made those memories so special.  I even began to lose communication with my husband.  My life which had been  going well and growing...or so I thought...prior to Grandma's diagnosis and death soon became a downward spiral.  I know that life isn't all glitter and unicorns...but my life had become a wasteland of depression.  I am sure my posts weekly might have even reflected that.

 

This weekend I realized that the best gift I can give to Grandma and in her memory will be not to sit and mope and wish she hadn't died.  I can't change that it happened when and how it did.  Rather, the greatest thing that I can do in her memory is start to pass on the legacy that she left behind for me.  I can share her stories and the message behind it.  I can pass it on.

 

My Grandma has been a part of a movement called Cursillo...something that Jeff and I have been a part of as well.  I remember her one time saying how much she loved the song, "Pass it On." Today I sat and reread the lyrics and was struck when I read the verse that says, "I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I've found."  It reminded me that my Grandma has found happiness.  A happiness that I have yet to know but someday I hope to experience when I am reunited with God.  I will always be sad that I lost my Grandma, but she helped form me to be the person I am today.  In that way, she gave me the spark I needed to be the person I have become today.  It's now my responsibility to pass it on. 

 

What did my grandma give me?  She gave the task of dreaming the impossible dream.  Like from the musical, Man of La Mancha where Don Quixote spends his life trying to achieve the dream that everyone told him he was foolish for trying to, I too must not give up on my life, my dream, my call.  Grandma fought for her little dreams but they were her greatest achievement yet.  It's us.  She always wanted to have a family.  While she only ended up with one daughter, she had all of us Grandchildren by her side throughout life.  She was never truly alone. She lived her life without wearing masks like we so often wear.  She was true to her quest in life.  She was bold, brash, and honest. While though all the days I spent with grandma throughout my 39 1/2 years of life taught me many lessons, I know that the greatest lessons I still have yet to learn from being her legacy.

 

I chose Pink Glitter this week as my color.  Actually, my husband Jeff did.  It's bright and full of little glitter pieces.  He said it reminded him of something recently seen on Facebook...a picture that had a little child looking up to the heavens at night and the words printed below it said, " I like to look to the stars at night and believe that they are all the faces of the ones I love who have all gone to heaven, looking down and me."  I know if this is true I can never ever be alone.

 

 

                                                 "Pink Glitter" from my personal collection,

                                                  but picked out by my husband, Jeff Murawski

 

How Great Thou Art

The inspiration for today's post came off the radio...literally.  On Thursday on our way to work, my husband decided to turn on the radio.  Wednesday had been a rough day and I found it difficult to find the energy and desire to even go to work on Thursday.  Irregardless, I put on my big girl pants and got up to go to work, figuring I could hold it together for 8 1/2 hours.  That was the thought until my husband turned on the radio and a specific song came on.  Then all hope of holding it together was lost.

 

As a child, I stayed often with my Grandma whether it was a weekend, summer vacation, or sometimes even just during the week when I was too young to go to school.  My childhood was not during a time where VCR's, cell phones, or electronic game systems were available.  At that time, television consisted of a big floor console TV with rabbit ears so even at that time there wasn't much to watch on tv.  Grandma would start the day listening to the radio she had in the kitchen and most often the music consisted of country or gospel music since the Polish music hour wasn't but once a week on Sunday mornings.  It wasn't uncommon to hear grandma singing, as she cooked or cleaned, one of the songs that had been on the radio earlier that morning.  The song  I would hear her sing most often was the gospel song, "How Great Thou Art."  Thursday morning when Jeff turned on the radio, which was uncommon as we often rode the ride to work without the radio, the song that came on the radio that morning was the song, "How Great Thou Art." This was not a common song played on the radio station we were listening to.  Was it a sign from Grandma?  It could be, but whether it was or not, the memories of those times as a child sitting in the kitchen coloring or drawing at the kitchen table came flooding back to my memory.

 

Grandparents are truly special people and I, for one, am lucky to have had the Grandma that I had.  The special bond that we shared is one that I hadn't had with my other Grandma but one that lasted a lifetime.  I loved listening to her singing to the radio, making fresh baked goods and teaching me how to play cards or crochet.  I think it was she who taught me to listen to the words of the music because it could speak words of emotions and feeling.  I would catch her sometimes getting teared up as a song came on that reminded her of my Grandpa.  Mostly, the songs filled her with a sense of strength and faith.  She'd smile as she'd sing it.  While she didn't have a superstar singers voice and sometimes her timing was off, she could hold a tune.  And while it was actually Carrie Underwood singing the song on Thursday morning, the only voice I could hear was that of my grandma as she would stir the food on the stove, moving around the kitchen with grace.

 

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think of God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When I think back to January 5th and her passing, I know she was singing these last words: When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.  Then I shall bow, in humble adoration, and then proclaim, "My God how great though art..."

 

Today's 50 Shades of Pink color is appropriate to my grandma.  This week's color is called Angelic by Revlon.  This color was in my personal stock of nail polishes and is soft and gentle in color.  My Grandma, as I may have mentioned in the past, was a collector of Angels, whether it was pins, statues, or cards so I know this is a color that my grandma would have probably wanted on her nails!

 

 

                                          "Angelic" by Revlon from my personal collection.

 

 

 

                                             Grandma, Grandpa, My mom, younger sister Melanie

                                             and I in the kitchen at Grandma's first house.

 

 

Birthday Cake and Cotton Candy

It took me awhile sitting at the computer this morning to try and write today's post, primarily because its one of the harder posts to write this year.  You see, in two days it would have been my grandma's birthday.  Her 97th birthday.  As I sat thinking about what to write I though about her last birthday...her birthday last year while she was in a nursing home going through rehab for pain she was having in her hip.  It was a surprise party...and boy was she surprised!  She was so surprised that she cried tears of happiness and as I reflect on it today, probably tears of sadness.  Why tears of sadness?  As I think about it, I believe that she knew somehow that it would be her last birthday with all of us.

 

This week's color is Cotton Candy and was donated by Avon and was donated by Cathy Jimenez of New Carlisle, IN, chosen because of its soft color...a color my grandma would have worn and the color of her favorite pink sweater.

 

There were so many times as kids that my grandma would speak of not being around.  At first should would say that she wouldn't be around to see me make my first communion.  Then it was that she wouldn't see me make my confirmation, graduate from high school, go to college, or even graduate from college.  Then she said she didn't think she'd be alive long enough to see me get married.  Grandma was 87 when I got married so I know that was pushing it!  But she was there.  Grandma always hoped and said she wanted to be there when I would have my first child.  It was the first time that she didn't say she "wouldn't be there."  But she passed away never did get to see that.

 

While its a sad time and trying to remember a good time is hard, I have thought about all the birthdays we had had for Grandma over the years and as I look back at a couple pictures, I am reminded how she loved a party...especially a birthday party.  It was she who took me out and shopping the day my parents got me a waterbed as a surprise gift for my birthday when I was in 8th grade.  It was the first bed that was all mine and bought especially for me.   It was also grandma who planned and help keep secret my mom's retirement party 7 years ago. (Grandma always thought she would spill the beans as she couldn't keep a secret she said!)  All in all the thing that she enjoyed was not so much the party itself but the fact that all of her family was together.  Grandma was the youngest of 9 children (Two of her siblings...a set of twins died as babies.) For all of Grandma's life, and as we look back at pictures of her having her weekly card game with her siblings or riding a bicycle as a toddler with her two brothers hanging on to it, it was clear that family was the most important thing to her.  She would be just as upset as the rest of us when family would fight or argue.  Even when we had squabbles she tried to get us to become peacemakers.  Grandma may have been stubborn and even forgetful in her older age, but she was definitely wise.  Wise enough to know that without family, we have nothing.

 

This Monday, to celebrate her birthday, a couple of my siblings and I are going to go play Bingo at Holy Family Church.  She loved playing Bingo and loved playing it mostly at Holy Family.  It was always about family.  It's where many of her Grandchildren went to church or had attended school.  It's where many of us would gather for 5:00 mass on a Saturday night with her and my parents when she was living on the west side of town.  The name said it all...Holy Family.  It was always about family.

 

This week I take that with me to help me through the loss. Leukemia may have taken her body from us but it can't take her memory. 

 

Grandma....I love and miss you.  Happy Birthday.

 

Grandma at her surprise 96 th birthday party

 

 

 

 

Cotton Candy by Avon, Donated by Cathy Jimenez of New Carlisle

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bubbles...Tiny Bubbles

As a child I often spent time living at my grandma's house whether it was on a day off when my mom was working or on the weekends and summers when I could spend multiple days to weeks at a time at her house.  After my Grandfather passed away in 1979 I spent more and more time with my Grandma.  Each evening (I don't remember which day it was on for certain) that the Lawrence Welk show was on my Grandma would turn it on and sit down...not matter what she was doing...and watch it.  I often times remember her saying that we had to finish washing dishes quickly so that could sit and watch it.  Often at the end of the show Lawrence Welk would stand up and flick his band leader baton and all the singers and dancer and others would come out and dance to the song "Tiny Bubbles in my Wine" and bubbles would come out from behind the band and fill the dance floor with bubbles.  As I would look at my Grandma she would be smiling and tearing up both at the same time.  I could tell that she missed my Grandpa.

 

This week's 50 Shades of Pink color is called Pink Bubbles by LA Colors and donated by Lynn Hudak of South Carolina.  Lynn also happens to be my cousin's wife!  Thank you Lynn for the awesome pink nail polish this week!  I chose this color because of its vivid and bright hue but also because of its name.

 

Preparations for my Grandma's funeral back in January led us to looking through album after album and box after box to locate pictures to put up or put on a video.  As I looked at pictures I found one of my Grandma and my first Grandpa, Clem WInkiewicz, that is to this day my favorite.  In the picture, my Grandpa was looking straight ahead, but when looking at the picture its actually a profile of him.  My grandma is looking at him with a smile.  You can see in the picture from the look in her eyes and on her face that she truly loved my Grandpa...that he completed her.  While she married again several years after my Grandpa had passed away, she never could look at my new Grandpa in that same way.  Grandpa Clem would always and forever be her first love.  It was Grandpa Clem who she would hold close and dance with, resting her head on his shoulders.  When she would watch Lawrence Welk and watch the people dancing I could see in her eyes the memories of her and Grandpa dancing together.  Those memories were the ones that she would recall to me a few weeks before her diagnosis when she would claim that Grandpa was there with her in her apartment.  Grandma loved two men in her life as husbands but I know that in her heart, my Grandpa Clem was the one that she danced with in her dreams every night.

 

This week's nail polish is no accident.  It was meant to be that I would get this sent to me so that I myself too would remember what that true feeling of love feels like as I look at my husband and know that even though we may have tough and rough times, that he completes me. 

 

Grandpa Clem and Grandma (unknown year)

 

 

Pink Bubbles by LA Colors donated by Lynn Hudak

 

 

Take a Byte

At the ripe age of 96, my Grandma had been alive to see the development of many different things that we at our young age take for granted.  When my grandma was born, and even as a young girl, the idea of computers, cell phones, smart phones, and HDTV's amongst other technologies that we have now, were not even fathomed.  My grandma, as my brother would inform us, not only saw the invention of the computer, cell phone, smart phone,and HDTV but also the microwave oven, the dishwasher, television, PEZ candy, Bubble gum, the 8-track tape, the cassette tape, the CD, the MP3 player, the VCR and VCR tapes, the DVD player and DVD's,  the Slinky, the Turboprop engine, the first successful Helicopter, the Atomic Bomb, Velcro, and even the first boxed cake mix.  Needless to say, as technology has advanced, so has my grandma.  While at one point she did have a cell phone (that she barely used except to call family in other states,) she never did own a computer and the thought that you could use a machine thinner than a notebook to call and visually see someone in another state or country live, really blew her mind away.  If you asked her what a byte was, she'd probably tell you it was the thing that you did with your teeth and food!

 

 

So what does a Byte have to do with this week's 50 Shades of Pink for Gertie?  This week's color of Pink is called Byte!  Go figure!  This week's 50 shades of Pink color was donated by Cathy Jimenez.  It is bold, glittery,deep, and even a bit whimsical.  The name itself was the reasoning behind my choice this week as it reminded me of a recent story of my grandma.  As Grandma's health deteriorated and she fell into the coma for the week before she passed, my mom and whomever was around to help, would give her the oral medication to keep her comfortable or to swab and clean her mouth.  At one point, my mom asked Grandma to open her mouth to do this and somehow my mom got her fingers too close to Grandma's mouth and grandma bit down on to my mom's fingers.   As mom told the story we all laughed as I am sure that grandma was doing. While the two words have totally different meanings, when I saw the name of the nail polish I knew I had to do it. 

 

Its hard to believe that it's been a month since she passed.  The memories of those last two weeks seem just like yesterday. For now I will look at my fingers and remember he taking a bite out of my mom and still laugh just a little.

 

 

Thank you goes out to Cathy Jimenez for the donation of Byte!, a Sally Hanson color that

was chosen for this week's 50 Shades of Pink for Gertie color.



Blink

Back several years ago when my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, my brother played a video with a song on it that my parents had found that summed up the last 50 years of their marriage.  The song was called, "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney.  In the song, Kenny sings about an old man being interviewed on the evening news and he had just turned 102 years old.  The news man asks him what his secret to life is and the man says not to blink because at one point you are six years old and then you take a nap and you are now twenty-five and married and then next thing you know fifty years has gone by.  The idea is that if you blink you may miss all of your life and not see all around you.  In other words, live life and remember everything...the good memories and the bad memories...because we don't really know how much life we have.

 

This is my fourth 50 Shades of Pink week for my Grandma and the color of my pink nail polish really goes along with the topic well for this week.  My nail color this week is Pink Blink.  This is a nail color that I had purchased recently.  When I saw the name of the nail color, the blog post for this week was already forming in my head...and that is how I knew I had to buy that color.  So, how does this nail color, other than the color itself, relate to memories of my grandma?

 

So many people have said, as they have offered statements of sympathy,  "well, she was 96....she had lived a long happy life."  It has bothered me so much when people have said that as she was my grandma....I wanted her to live forever.  I know that's not possible, but somewhere along the line it feels that I must have blinked.  I am 39.  The same age my mom was when my grandma's first husband, my first grandpa, passed away.  I was 6 at the time.  While I have all sorts of great memories of my grandma through the years I always thought there would be more.  Time for more.  When she was diagnosed with the Leukemia on December 22nd and we were told we had weeks to months with her, I knew we had to make every memory last.  That weeks to months diagnosis turned into a days to weeks diagnosis a week later and within a few days of that it was days to hours.  Somewhere in those two weeks she was with us, (and only one week was she not comatose....), I blinked.  And then she was gone.  And now...in three days...it will be officially one month since she passed. In twenty-three days she would have turned 97.  Yes...I still grieve.  Sometime I think its because I feel somewhere along the line I must have blinked.

 

Today isn't just a pink nails day though. Today at the Notre Dame Women's Basketball game they celebrate the Pink Zone.  The Pink Zone is the Women's Basketball world's way of bringing awareness to Cancer in Women, with it primarily being about Breast Cancer.  While my grandma died of blood cancer and not breast cancer, today I and my niece will be sporting special pink shirts with angel wings on them in memory of my Grandma at this game.  Grandma loved Angels.  But she also loved to have fun.  One memory that I am fortunate to even have a picture of is when my grandma attended a Women's Notre Dame Basketball game a few years ago and they had handed out Pom Poms, noise makers, and hats that were a lime green color. (It may have been a  New Year's Eve game even.)  Grandma sported the pom poms in her hair, the hat on her head, and whatever else that showed her spirit and support of the team and took a picture.  The greatest part of the picture is her happy smile.  It's a silly picture but one who showed that Grandma wasn't blinking....she was making memories.  One that she would tell me about for years to come.

 

Recently I heard a story from the birth mom of one of the children (that we had been foster parents for recently).  This little 3 1/2 year old had gotten to know "Busia" (as she was known to the Great Grandchildren) and had the opportunity to be at her bedside a couple times before the little girl went home to her birth mom two days before my Grandma died.  "Princess" as we called this little girl, had gone to the bedside when Grandma was in her coma already and told Grandma that she hoped she would get better but that if she couldn't that she could go be an Angel and that it would be ok.  This from a 3 1/2 year old little girl!  After the children went home that Thursday I went and asked my Grandma (even though she was in a coma) that if she were to pass away and go to heaven that she would be the guardian angel to the two little ones that we had loved so much that had returned home.  She couldn't respond and I wondered if she really heard me.  This week, my husband and I had the opportunity to go sit and visit with the kids and their birth mom when the mom told us a story about how Princess would wake up in the middle of the night and draw a picture and then go back to sleep.  A couple (2-3) nights after they returned to live with her, Princess woke up in the middle of the night and drew and colored a picture of a ghost like figure and then draw and colored a picture of an Angel before going back to sleep.  This had been the Saturday night/Sunday morning after my Grandma had passed. Less then 24 hours after she had passed.

 

I know now that I didn't blink these last 39 years....I have more memories than I have room in my brain for....but the loss of future memories is where the sadness comes from.  I know I am blessed for the 39 years of memories I have.  Today as I wear my pink shirt with the angel wings, I know that she will be with me.  My angel by my side.  And don't worry...I won't blink.

 

 

                               Pink Blink by Sally Hansen Nail, courtesy of myself!

 

 

Serious color...funny stories

This weeks 50 shades of Pink color for Gertie is "Pink Seriously" donated by Jean Strand Rollins of Blaine, Minnesota.  This weeks color was chosen not because of the color but rather because of the name.  While my grandma could be fairly serious, some of the greatest memories of her that I have are of funny ones where she was having a good time.

 

One of the stories that exemplifies my grandma's fun loving spirit was a story from my grade school years.  One evening in the middle of the week, there was a knock at the door of our house.  When I opened the doors, there was this really tall woman and this short guy holding signs. They wouldn't speak and they were wearing masks.    It was creepy!  Quickly I called my parents to the door and for some reason they let them in the door.  The short masked man kept crossing their legs and pulling at their mask and the tall lady would put her hand to her masked mouth.  Their signs displayed words that asked us to figure out who they were.  My two younger sisters and I were worried and a bit freaked out.  You should have seen our faces!  My parents weren't as worried.  Eventually the little man couldn't hold it any longer from their laughing so hard and had to use the bathroom.  As he took off his mask we realized it wasn't a man after all but my grandma!  We all started laughing.  The tall woman was none other than Grandpa Chuck!  They had to be in their 70's already at that time and when I think back to the happy times, I think back to that night. 

 

Mr grandma loved to have fun.  A few years ago when she had been going to an adult day program for the elderly, they had planned a Halloween party.  Grandma asked me what costume I could help her dress up in.  I had a nun costume I had worn a few years before and so with a few adjustments in the length of the dress my grandma was able to wear the costume to her event.  She was so convincing in this costume that she ended up even winning the best costume prize that year.  Even till before she died she would talk about and laugh about that costume.  While Grandma could be serious, she taught be that its important to enjoy life and have a good time. 

 

Our lives are short...even if you live to be almost 97 years old.  What are you doing with your life?  While I spend alot of time still sad that my grandma is gone and grieving that loss, I am trying to plan some good times and fun as well. 

 

Thank you Grandma for the laughs and the fun memories...

 

                               Grandma as Sr. Mary Gertrude...don't you just love the sneakers?

 

 

                                     Pink Seriously nail polish donated by Jean Strand Rollins


***Story correction:  So, my mom, after reading the blog entry today, informed me that she didn't just let the masked couple in.  Rather, she made them tell her who it was first.  Apparently myself and my siblings were far enough away that we didn't hear them say to my mom who they were.  Mom said she knew who they were before we did. Thankfully this story led to my mom reminding me of a few other memories and we had a few other laughs about Grandma memories.  That, my friends and family, is what this blog is about.  What helps us laugh helps us heal.  I will forever miss my grandma but as I share memories it helps me remember those great times.

A Diamond in the Rough

It's now been two weeks since my grandma passed away.  As I sit in the quiet space of the kitchen at my brother's girlfriend's house in Minnesota I reflect on the color of pink that I just painted my nails.  The 50 Shades color this week is Pink Diamond by Essie, courtesy of Jean Strand Rollins, my brother's girlfriend.  

Pink Diamond.  It's kind of how I think of my grandma.  As a child I watched my grandma get ready for  the day or even for bed and was fascinated by how proper she was.  She'd take time to put on Oil of Olay every night, her makeup and lipstick every morning. I will never forget the day when in her 80's we talked Grandma into getting a pair of jeans and wearing them.  Still she wore a nice blouse and a necklace to make sure she was dressed just right.  Even as I look at pictures of grandma from when she was a young girl she still always had to be properly dressed, her hair properly done, her jewelry...what she had...was perfect to what she wore.  As grandma got older and even up to her passing two weeks ago, she still had to be properly dressed.  She wouldn't pass with her hair a mess and wearing a hospital gown.  No...she waited until we had bathed her, washed her hair and fixed it, and put on her favorite pink house coat (worn backwards as a gown instead) before she let go.  She had to be pretty to meet Jesus as we referred to it.  My grandma always had to look nice.  She was like a diamond...no matter how you looked at her she looked beautiful.

Through my life I didn't pay attention much to how others perceived me...I tried to voyage my own path  and have my own look.  I have realized as I have reflected on my life and my grandma's these last two weeks that my Grandma wasn't vain by wanting to look nice.  Rather, how she dressed and looked was to help herself feel like a diamond.  My grandma was raised in an immigrant home and rather poor.  Her  being able to be proper and dressed nice was her respect of herself and her way of helping herself see that she could move beyond the poverty she was raised in.  What mattered to her was the achievement of being able to make and then wear what she made and it look good.  My grandma had been a seamstress.    

Recently I have found myself wanting to be more like her.  Wanting to put the Oil of Olay on at night to keep the wrinkles away, wanting to make sure I don't go out without wearing jewelry or the proper attire.  It's all her fault.  She has influenced me to want to be a diamond myself. 

 While transformations don't happen over night, at least I can start with the nails.  Pink Diamond.  I think she'd be proud.

(I am still trying to figure out how to get my pretty nails onto a picture and onto this blog from my iPad since I am currently out of town....if you are reading this and want to see the picture, check in later again.  Until then, thank you for reading my blog.)

                                         Pink Diamond nail polish donated by Jean Strand Rollins

                                            

What is 50 Shades of Pink for Gertie?

My Grandma, Gertrude Olejniczak Winkiewicz Ritchie, was my hero...my best friend...my everything.  My husband accepted the reality before we got married that my Grandma was one of the most important people in my life and the person that I trusted most....even sometimes more than God it seemed.  A week ago today, at 8:05 a.m., my grandma took her last breath as her struggle with  Acute Myeloid Leukemia ended.  It was a diagnosis she and we only found out about two weeks prior.  AML, as Hospice referred to it as, is a progressive and mostly fatal form of leukemia.  It was Cancer of the Blood as my Grandma referred to it in that two weeks before she passed. My grandma had been 96....soon to be 97.  Old people don't get leukemia!  Or so we thought.  My grandma died from Leukemia.  Cancer.

 

Many people would say that she had a long life...that she was in a better place now...at least she wasn't suffering anymore.  All I wanted to hear was that this loss sucked.  Yes...I said it...it sucked.  I had just lost my best friend...my confidant...my lifeline....and it sucked more than anything I had ever experienced.  I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I could barely breathe. 

 

 

As we prepared for the impending funeral, in order to deal with the whole ordeal, my mind shifted to the thoughts of how I could honor my grandma and get the education out there about Leukemia.  Thus the creation of 50 Shades of Pink for Gertie.  My grandma's favorite color was pink.  Every house (all two of them) had to have a room that was pepto bismo pink. Her favorite sweater was a pink one we had just bought two years ago.    As I sat at the funeral listening to the Priest speak about how my grandma was loved and that was why it hurt so much that she was now gone, I realized that I needed to do something to honor grandma.  Paint my nails pink...Grandma's favorite color...and share with others what it was about my grandma that made that loss so painful..my memories. 

 

 

So, please...follow this blog and my posts every Saturday as I paint my nails a new shade of Pink in honor of her and share a memory.  My hopes are that these memories will bring to mind the memories of someone that you love dearly or that you loved dearly.  And hopefully, it will as well bring light to educating about Cancer and leukemia.  In the last year and a half I have lost 4 people in my life to cancer or leukemia.  It's still out there..its not gone.  While our knowing whether Grandma had leukemia or not when we did or months before would not have changed the outcome when she passed away, we know now what we could have looked for to help and comfort her earlier on.

 

 

Today, my finger nail color is Strawberry Margarita.  Thank you and a shout out goes to our donor of this nail polish this week : Haircrafters Salon.  (Please visit their Facebook page or website at www.hair-crafters.com ).

 

 

For more information about Leukemia and its effects or to make a donation to the advancement and treatment of blood cancer, please visit the Leukemia and Lymphoma society at www.lls.org .

 

 

Thank you Haircrafters Salon for the Strawberry Margarita nail polish that is this weeks 50 shades of Pink for Gertie color of the week.